After years of dealing with this myself, I offer a few suggestions.
Stay alert during the holidays. It's the time for people to revert to their familiar behaviors, both good and challenging. Assumptions, mind-reading, cherished family traditions that others may not know about, or may not agree to honor. The expectations are generally set pretty high. I can remember many celebrations with family where my then sister-in-law would start to fume within an hour of our arrival. By the end of our visit (we had to travel and spend a night or two) she had morphed into a screaming maniac. Why? She had a script (in her head) about how her perfect holiday celebration would come off, but hadn’t shared it with the rest of us. It’s really not that uncommon an occurrence, but when you throw AD/HD into the mix, out goes the script, and in comes a lot of improvising.
Don’t ignore the signs of overload. Potential landmines of emotional energy are lurking at every corner. Lots of excitement, stress, overwhelm and lack of sleep are like logs on the fire. Some simmer, while others immediately burst into flames and have to be addressed immediately. On the other hand, a little surprise here and there (thoughtfully created and executed) can bring in an unexpected element of fun. Just make sure that you are reading the situation right and are aware of the schedule of events and expectations before hand.
Mind yourself. In other words, this is a great time to practice your self-regulation and coping skills. Think ahead about what has worked well for you in the past, and what hasn’t. Write it down and keep it handy for a quick review over the next couple of weeks. Whenever you feel stressed, or are starting to feel like people (your partner especially) are being overly critical or short with you, it’s time to review the list and self-correct.
Have a Happy Holiday season!
